I was getting ready for work when I looked out the window and saw the utility company starting to erect a pole in front of my house. They were going to position it directly in front of my picture window. No way, absolutely no way, was I going to permit this. I gulped down my last bit of coffee and went directly to the crew supervisor and told him in no uncertain terms that I was not going to permit his crew to put that stupid electrical pole directly in front of my picture window. He ...
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentleman, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she l...
Tired of speeding tickets? Want to open up spaces between you and the cars around you. Step 1. Tie these balloons to your car Step 2. Drive VERY FAST Step 3 . Watch people freak out. Step 4. Tell the nice officer you thought they were real.
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Ma...
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, early hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the should...
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their pr...
THREE WOMEN...ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY - WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE GERMAN WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM." A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE JAPANESE WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND." THE H...
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started. Her boyfriend asks, What is it supposed to be when it's finished? The blonde says, According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster. Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then...
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people w...
Bob and Tara are getting ready for bed. Tara is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. You know, dear, she says, I look in the mirror, and see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, and my butt Is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby. She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself." Bob studies her intently for a moment, think...
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon He noticed a film -- like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather...."are these plates clean?" His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal". That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lun...
Okay, this is just sad, but it's halarious. The way he talks should be call it "bush-speak". http://www.buyitat.com/election/sovereignty.mov Link http://www.buyitat.com/election/neither_do_we.mov Link
Got this from someone in an email and thought it was kind of funny. Strange... I drive 48 miles each way to work too. hummmm.. =============================== I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and "flipped" the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALW...
CHARLESTON, West Virginia (AP) -- Abercrombie & Fitch is poking fun at West Virginia with a T-shirt again, this one reading: "West Virginia: No Lifeguard at the Gene Pool." Gov. Bob Wise called the slogan cruel and said he would fight back. In March, Wise sent a letter demanding that the chain of collegiate-style clothing stores dump a shirt that read, "It's All Relative in West Virginia." "It is unfortunate that Abercrombie & Fitch continues to perpetuate stereotypes rather than po...