Containing facts, figures and a whole bunch of nothing...
Dark-Star's Articles In Humor
June 1, 2005 by Dark-Star
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and says, Hello?" Everyone else in the room stops to listen: WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure. Go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 mo...
May 10, 2005 by Dark-Star
May 10, 2005 by Dark-Star
May 10, 2005 by Dark-Star
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner. 7. You make phone calls from home, you accide...
May 4, 2005 by Dark-Star
May 4, 2005 by Dark-Star
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
May 2, 2005 by Dark-Star
1. Can you cry under water? 2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? 4. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? 5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? 6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for ...
May 2, 2005 by Dark-Star
I was getting ready for work when I looked out the window and saw the utility company starting to erect a pole in front of my house. They were going to position it directly in front of my picture window. No way, absolutely no way, was I going to permit this. I gulped down my last bit of coffee and went directly to the crew supervisor and told him in no uncertain terms that I was not going to permit his crew to put that stupid electrical pole directly in front of my picture window. He too...
March 8, 2005 by Dark-Star
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentleman, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she live...
March 2, 2005 by Dark-Star
Tired of speeding tickets? Want to open up spaces between you and the cars around you. Step 1. Tie these balloons to your car Step 2. Drive VERY FAST Step 3. Watch people freak out. Step 4. Tell the nice officer you thought they were real.
February 21, 2005 by Dark-Star
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Ma. Y...
February 16, 2005 by Dark-Star
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, early hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder c...
January 28, 2005 by Dark-Star
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their priva...
December 15, 2004 by Dark-Star
THREE WOMEN...ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY - WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE GERMAN WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM." A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE JAPANESE WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND." THE HILL...
December 15, 2004 by Dark-Star
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started. Her boyfriend asks, What is it supposed to be when it's finished? The blonde says, According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster. Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then t...