A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
1. Can you cry under water? 2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? 4. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? 5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? 6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in f...
1. Can you cry under water? 2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? 4. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? 5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? 6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in f...
I was getting ready for work when I looked out the window and saw the utility company starting to erect a pole in front of my house. They were going to position it directly in front of my picture window. No way, absolutely no way, was I going to permit this. I gulped down my last bit of coffee and went directly to the crew supervisor and told him in no uncertain terms that I was not going to permit his crew to put that stupid electrical pole directly in front of my picture window. He ...
I was getting ready for work when I looked out the window and saw the utility company starting to erect a pole in front of my house. They were going to position it directly in front of my picture window. No way, absolutely no way, was I going to permit this. I gulped down my last bit of coffee and went directly to the crew supervisor and told him in no uncertain terms that I was not going to permit his crew to put that stupid electrical pole directly in front of my picture window. He ...
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentleman, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she l...
Once there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentleman, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she l...
Tired of speeding tickets? Want to open up spaces between you and the cars around you. Step 1. Tie these balloons to your car Step 2. Drive VERY FAST Step 3 . Watch people freak out. Step 4. Tell the nice officer you thought they were real.
Tired of speeding tickets? Want to open up spaces between you and the cars around you. Step 1. Tie these balloons to your car Step 2. Drive VERY FAST Step 3 . Watch people freak out. Step 4. Tell the nice officer you thought they were real.
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Ma...
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Ma...
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, early hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the should...
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, early hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver, and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the should...
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their pr...