CAN U ANSWER THESE SIMPLE QUESTIONS?

Published on May 2, 2005 By Dark-Star In Humor

1. Can you cry under water?

2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

4. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

8. What disease did cured ham actually have?

9. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

10. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

11. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

12. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

13. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

14. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

15. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

16. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

17. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

18. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

20. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

21. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

22. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? (I've always wondered...

23. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

24. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

25. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

26. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

27. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

28. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

29. What do you call male ballerinas?

30. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

31. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

32. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

33. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

34. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

35. Do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

36. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

37. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

38. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

39. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

Comments

Zoomba

on May 02, 2005

35. Do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

36. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

ROFL! I read 35 and hummed the two, then read 36 and nearly died laughing... my cubemate gave me a very odd look.

MasonM

on May 02, 2005

Questions like these are a sure sign of too much free time.

chiprj

on May 02, 2005

1. Can you cry under water?
Sure

2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
More important than me, I figure

3. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
It's a secret bank conspiracy - money DOES grow on trees

4. Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
That's just life

5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
A secret bank account - just like in Superman 3 and Office Space

6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
I hope not and what about cremated people?

7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Marketing - "If we put it in a big square box, people will think they are getting more than they really are!"

8. What disease did cured ham actually have?
Meh

9. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
People are just smart like that

10. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Wishful thinking?

11. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Sure

12. If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Probably

13. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
In the old days it was hard to fit inside one of those 13 inch black and white TV's

14. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
People are just smart like that

15. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Most people can't get enough of pretty women (or can at least tolerate 50), but who can stomach more than two politicians at any given time?

16. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
People are just smart like that

17. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
The 911 operator next to him/her

18. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
It just doesn't make sense. I say get rid of both!

19. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
They lose some vital vitamins and minerals

20. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"
Not me

21. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
People are just smart like that

22. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? (I've always wondered...

Freezer gets so cold it would cause a hot light bulb to shatter?

23. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
It's for the benefit of the officer. At least he/she will see one smiling face while writing the ticket (other than their own, of course)

24. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Reverse psychology

25. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
Sure

26. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
People are just smart like that

27. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
I'm going to start doing that

28. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
The name says it all. Goofy is just goofy

29. What do you call male ballerinas?
Ballerinos?

30. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
Probably?

31. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
Fresh road runner is just yummy

32. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
I see where you're going here and it disturbs me

33. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If only

34. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
It would seem so

35. Do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Could be

36. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Just to check

37. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
I don't want to know if you have either

38. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Bad breath

39. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
I did. It's right on my blog site

island_gurl12

on May 02, 2005

Standing ovation at chiprj!!!! I thought one more 'people are smart like that' and i was gonna really ROFL (i'm at work, gotta keep a decent attitude...)

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